Ten Commandments of the Office

  1. Thou shalt not leave the coffee pot empty. If you poured yourself the last cup, please brew another pot for the remaining caffeine addicts in the office to enjoy.
  2. Thou shalt not ignore thy paper jam. You know you saw that red light blinking.
  3. Thou shalt not wear stripper attire to the office. I’ll leave that one open to interpretation.
  4. Thou shalt not use your outdoor voice whilst in the office.  No one should be able to hear your conversation from 50 yards away.
  5. Thou shalt not leave thy dirty dishes in the break room sink. Your mother doesn’t work here. And even if she does, she shouldn’t be washing dishes after your grown behind dirtied them.
  6. Thou shalt not come to a potluck empty handed. Most potlucks in the office revolve around holidays, and there is more than enough notification provided. If you are not culinary-inclined, options like store-bought potato salad are a good choice for you. Participation requires more than bringing your appetite or plastic forks from the break room.
  7. Thou shalt not leave the toilet unflushed. Most restrooms these days have toilets that flush automatically. Sometimes that feature malfunctions, but you can still flush the toilet manually by pushing the handle with your foot. Please be sure that the toilet is clear prior to leaving the stall. No one wants to know you that well.
  8. Thou shall treat the cleaning crew with respect. They are here to clean up, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be helpful by avoiding slovenly habits that you might engage in at home.
  9. Thou shalt not have political debates in the workplace. I don’t care about how much you love or hate the current administration. Save that discussion for the watering hole, especially if you happen to be a member of the management team.
  10. Last but not least, thou shalt not covet thy coworker’s supplies. The supply closet has endless pens, legal pads and paper clips for your enjoyment. So when I reach for my pen only to discover that it has been “borrowed” along with my stapler, I feel the urge to use my letter opener for something other than its intended purpose.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. kalleyc says:

    hahaha, this brings back so many memories. In my old office we had someone called the mad pooper–the pooped on the floor in front of the toilet. I can honestly say I do not miss the environment.

    1. The Mad Pooper is hilarious! I am sure it isn’t so funny when you walk into it, though. Yuck.

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