Not Ready

Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to an event that you are deathly afraid of, the faster time passes? That’s my predicament right now. My first half marathon is less than a week away, and I am nowhere near ready for it. I put in some time on the pavement this past weekend but with temps supposedly at 91 degrees (I’m pretty sure the heat index was 191 degrees) and humidity at 2,000%, I almost died. I was fine for a while but all of a sudden, I couldn’t move another step. My legs didn’t hurt. My feet were fine. But my body was just generally exhausted. I’m talking “falling out on someone’s front lawn” exhausted. And it didn’t creep up on me. If I’d had a little warning, I could have made my way to a shady bench or something. Nope, this feeling of being sucked into a vortex of fatigue came from out of nowhere.

I might not have been so bad off if I had eaten. Since I had been fasting for blood work since the night before, my stomach was just about empty. Why did I think a workout on one of the hottest days ever (that’s an exaggeration, but it sure felt like the hottest) on an empty stomach immediately after having blood drawn would work? Oh, that’s right. Because I was trying to get my workout out of the way early in the day, since we were scheduled for a high of 97 degrees. The problem with my logic is that I didn’t get blood drawn until 10:30, which means I was trotting/walking/dragging myself down the sidewalk when the sun was at its zenith. The whole time I was sweating out every drop of fluid inside my body, I was thinking of how much easier doing this in Buffalo, NY was going to be. At least I hope so.

I might have lied when I said I hadn’t eaten. I knew I would need some fuel, so I stopped at the store after my appointment and grabbed a bottle of water and a package of turkey nuggets. Those would be little pieces of dried turkey resembling chunks of Slim Jims. Hey, I needed something. Only that something was the wrong thing to eat after having an empty stomach for over 12 hours and prior to hitting the pavement in Hades-like weather. After mile 2, my stomach started bubbling something fierce. I should remind you that I wasn’t on a race course. There were no portable toilets, just me and my britches. It was a miserable time, let me tell you. The only relief I had came when Sir Flatulence decided to exit my body regardless of my intention. Thank goodness I didn’t have a running buddy. That would have made for a pretty awkward situation. And with my entire body sweating, I never would have known if Sir Shart decided to leave as well. Thank goodness for small miracles, because that would have been terribly chafing.

Anywho, I managed to burn a few calories and avoid dying this weekend. But I still don’t feel ready. What if I don’t finish this half marathon? I have to finish. I mean, I paid my registration fee. I bought a plane ticket. So I spent some time Googling “completing a half marathon when you have undertrained”. It was inspiring to see so many blog posts and articles written by people in my situation. Then my inspiration flew out the window as I started reading the posts and scrolling through pictures of people who probably weigh a hundred pounds less than I do. *sigh*

This is the time in my training schedule that I should be tapering down to prepare my legs for the big day. No sense in going all out now, only to possibly injure myself and not be able to participate at all. All I can do is ask you all to say a prayer for me. Pray that I don’t pass out before reaching the finish line. Pray that I don’t get picked up by the fat cart for not being able to maintain the minimum speed. Pray that I don’t gain seven pounds before the race by overindulging in delectable food Buffalo has to offer. And most importantly, pray that Sir Shart doesn’t make an appearance. But I’ll be wearing black pants, just in case.

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