General Fatassedness

I need carbs. I don’t mean the good kind, either. No roasted parsnips for me. Nope, I want chocolate cake, brownies, sweet potato pie, and leftover candy corn from Halloween. I want some artisan bread fresh out of the oven and slathered in herb butter. A sourdough panini with smoked gouda and a thin layer of cranberry relish would be so awesome right now. I need it so badly, I’m fighting to keep from scratching my neck like a dope fiend over here. I’m in a bad place right now.

I can’t remember the last time I craved carbs this badly. For a while, I was taking chromium. I did some research and learned that it can combat carb cravings. And let me tell you, it did. Probably because it results in an awful metallic taste in your mouth, no matter how hard you brush your tongue, or how much mouthwash you gargle. Nothing tastes right when you take chromium. It really takes the joy out of eating. That wasn’t the reason I stopped taking it, though. I ran out of my industrial-sized bottle, and just never got around to buying more. How lazy of me. Now I’m paying the price by way of monster carb cravings.

I am waiting for the office to clear out so I can grab chocolate from the admin’s candy bowl on her desk. She puts it out there for all of us to take freely, but you can’t just take candy freely when you’re the one fat person on the team. So I’m waiting. And waiting, waiting, waiting. Is she ever going to leave? For the love of God, it’s after 5:30. Why is anyone still here? This scene feels so familiar. I wonder why? Oh, because this whole closet-eating thing is why I’m fat in the first place. Not quite as fat as I used to be, but still a long way from slim. You would think typing that out would have served as a warning. “Don’t start closet-eating again! Remember, you used to weigh as much as two grown men combined!” I know that. I’m terrified of putting all that weight back on, so I won’t raid the admin’s stash. At least that’s what I’m telling myself as I rock back and forth, trying to quell my craving. Guess what I’ll be running out to buy as soon as I leave work? You got it – a huge bottle of chromium. I’m not cut out for this willpower crap.

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